I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
