How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
