His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
