1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Boobs are out for the taking
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize