I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
