It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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