Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't turn off my feet"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
