i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
