just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
