ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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