my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
