I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
