so let's talk penis.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
