This girl is more easily done than said...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
