the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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