its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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