so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
