i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
