Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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