Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
