i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
