i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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