Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
