Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
