I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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