I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
