im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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