my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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