You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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