yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
