My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
