You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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