My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
