you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
