mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
