I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
