I want to make a zoo with you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
