Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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