Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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