I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
