Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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