I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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