you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
