It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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