i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
