They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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