Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
