It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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