What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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