Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize