I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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