ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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