dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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