hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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