i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
