Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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