Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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