Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
