Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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