he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
